I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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