Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
