Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I have peed in a lot of sinks
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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