PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize