The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
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