why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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