I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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