What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
