there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
