How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
