youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
