When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
my shit smells like andre
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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