i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
