I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
