I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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