Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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