the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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