last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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