The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
