check it out our google latitudes are spooning
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
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