i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
one might say we're banned from that church
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
