my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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