Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
