well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
