you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I want to be your penis for a week.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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