Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize