I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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