It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
