even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
