I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize