My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
