just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
