Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
