I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
