Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
