you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize