the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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