Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
