we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
