Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
