She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
