Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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