wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
