It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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