I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
