Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
