OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
