We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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