didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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