69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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