I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
