you're like a bully in the Christmas story
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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