3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
