whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
