I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
