omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
