sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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