Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
