just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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